365

 

A friend of mine has an art page on Facebook where she shared her desire to carry her sketchbook everywhere

and to draw everyday like she did when she was in school. It was not necessarily a challenge, more of a declaration. And she numbered her first work on January first, 1/365. It struck a chord in me-that bold pronouncement of 1/365. Though it was only number one, it was one of 365. 

Normally I would see 365 and run. It would seem overwhelming. I usually do a month of sketches in winter when things are quiet and I know I will have some time. I also know how daunting it can be. There is pressure. To find subject matter. To post something worthy. (Not that I have to post it, but it always kept me accountable. For a MONTH!)  To find the time. And this winter will be anything but quiet. Yet my friends simple act of putting herself out there and taking that first step to publicly declare such a bold goal! Not daily for a month. No. Not for six months. 365 days. A year. That is, well, that is inspiring!

But, and there is always a "but", "it's crazy for me to try that!" Said that voice in my head I've been listening to these days. The lazy voice. The scared voice. The insecure voice. That voice in my head that keeps me from my goals. Heck, the voice keeps me from ever starting so I can't really ever fail. You know, because you never dared to start? Does that sound screwy? It sounds screwy because it is. 

I've decided to kill that voice in my head. Murder it. But she doesn't stay dead--and I find I WANT to listen to her. Because it's easier. Because she keeps me safe. Because it's less risk, work, chance of failure and so much more.  No risk, no reward. Safe is boring. Wait, what?  Is there another voice in my head? (There may be more than two, but I'll never admit it!) There is another other voice that challenges me, encourages me, tells me I CAN do it and that, really, it's only art and so what are you losing by not trying? That voice. And I don't mean to say that art is not important. Not at all, because it is such a huge part of a full life. No, what the other voice means is that in the scheme of things, the risks are not dangerous or life threatening to me or anyone else. Rather, it could in fact be life changing. Failure is the risk the voice perceives. What is failure, really? And should we fear it? I think I'll leave that for a future post. 

  

So really, there is no risk here that threatens anything but my pride. And I have one voice in my head that likes to take it easy and be safe and avoid all perceived risk. But that voice lies! Again, because there is no real risk here! That voice lies and I chose to believe. But when I wrote in my other blog (about my care taking) and shared the statement "what you feed is what will grow", I had no idea how powerful that statement would become for me. So I am going to starve one voice and feed the other.  Starve the joy sucking, risk avoiding, paranoid voice that tells me to sit on the couch and play it safe. And I will feed the other voice. The one that say's I can do this for 365 days, that it's one day at a time, and that it's not earth shattering if I fail. World peace does not hang on this challenge!  

So I put it out there just as Kelly did. Wish me luck!  And hey, if I don't make it 365 days-no one will be hurt in this daring risk taking! The worst that can happen is I make some art I wouldn't have otherwise made. The best that can happen is that the voice that say's I can, that art is worthy, and all those other good things-will grow. I think no matter what happens, succeed or fail, it's a win.