Being Emptied

What I do in church!!  I listen-really!

Being Emptied.  What is empty?  Empty.  Webster defines it this way: 

1. 1. 
      

To Blog or Not to Blog?

I love to draw people, but it's hard to do and a little weird when they catch you watching them!  But at the book store, people are occupied and you can be discrete behind your laptop! 

"Everyone has a blog now days" my daughter said one day a while back.  It made me stop short.  What does that mean?  And it made me think.  There are certainly a lot of blogs out there.  And I read them--ha!  No really, there are blogs about absolutely everything. Many, many blogs. Which had me wondering.

Taking a Break

I've been talking about taking a break from my art.  So much so that I was beginning to wonder if I should quit blogging or just change the name of my blog to something with "caretaking" in the title.  It's given me a new perspective on my art.  How important it is. And isn't.  (life is like that--with all that contradiction!)

my brother asleep on the couch before we left--

Thankfully, this caretaker got a much needed break.  My brother graciously took care of my dad for a week and my husband and I took a little road trip.  Now you know I love a road trip!!  We decided to pack up the car and the bikes and take a bike tour of each place we stopped. What I won't do is bore you with the details.  What I will do is tell you I was able to sketch quite a few times during our trip.  I went ahead and packed my supplies as an after thought, not sure I would even take them out.  The  last few times they sat in the suitcase.  This time I took some time to sketch and once I started I found the spontaneity of sketching very enjoyable.  

Tom taking a little time to fly fish.  Its hard to sketch things
are in motion, but that's half the fun!

Tom is very patient while I sketch and I think he could tell that the time I spent doing that was recharging my batteries. As I got into the second day I began to get excited to find what I could paint next as a memory for that day. I've taken sketchbooks on most of our vacations, but it's hard to find time unless the person you are with is tolerant of your passion!  Luckily, Tom has a few of his own!

I planned to infuse our trip with art by stopping at galleries along the route (we never hit even one!!) and the Carnegie Art Museum in Pittsburgh. Unfortunately, we stayed to long in the Ohiopyle State Park and didn't get time to see the museum, but I will get there someday!  One of the highlights for me was a trip to Falling Waters, the iconic Frank Lloyd Wright home designed for the Kaufman family.  We have visited Taliesin in Phoenix and one in Chicago, so I have a list I am ticking off.  To say that it was amazing is understating.  From an artistic/creative point of view, the man was genius.  It's just my opinion--but wow!!  He definitely thought outside the box and had vision.  I have been bowled over every time.  The highlight of this tour was sketching the house from the vantage point below the falls, the view that is most famous.  I only had about 20 minutes to rough it in and get a bit of color and I finished from a photo in the hotel later.  I wish now that I had left the sketch rough and unfinished as it was when I left.  I never like the paintings I do from photos as well as those from life, but I have this need to "finish" them!  Maybe some day I will learn! 

Visiting Falling Waters got me thinking about how "living a creative life" is all encompassing.  Creativity is all around us if we have eyes to see.  Wright was famous for designing homes that echoed the elements of the nature that surrounded it.  Using those same elements in the design and construction, he sought to bring an organic feel to his design. He pioneered "open concept" living and among many quirky ideas, felt bedrooms should have low ceilings and be small to envelope you and make you feel secure while also feeling confining so you would spend most of your time in the open spaces.  How often do you think of your environment in those types of creative ways?  As I reflected on his view about how important our surroundings are, I was challenged to look at art with different eyes.  That house was art, with a capital A. In the bookstore I even picked up a small booklet with sketches and architectural drawings for many of his most famous designs.  I love the drawings that were at the time only concepts on paper.  The beginnings or fleshing out of ideas.  Concepts made visible on paper before they were made out of physical materials.  It made me value my sketchbooks all the more meaningful.

Home now, I need another vacation because biking, touring and driving everyday were exhausting!  I told my husband that our next trip will be by a beach with a book and a drink with an umbrella in it!!  But this was a nice break and gave me some time to indulge my creative side. Taking time away gives you fresh eyes and an appreciation for the every day.  And it's good to be home again!!  

The Gifts of Time

I have been given a gift.  The gift of time away from the art I love.  Time away helps us appreciate things.  I think it had become so much of my identity that I lost some of the other parts of me.  I mourned like a spoiled child for a while.  Even though I chose to care for my dad, and I knew it wouldn't be easy, I didn't expect to lose my desire to make art!  It was probably depression at first.  Then I lapsed into apathy.  Now that things are more routine I just don't have time.  Other things have taken it's place.  And its Okay.

Art, Life, Work, Blogging, Caretaking and What I've Learned About Myself...

The other day my dad asked me why I didn't paint anymore. I was a little surprised he noticed since his memory continues to slip away.  I told him I was a little too busy right now.  But I'm not too busy to fit in other things.  So why don't I paint anymore?

I read a blog the other day by another artist who was so candid about his personal fears and past/present experiences, I was inspired by the courage that took.  So I decided to be a little more courageous here.  And tell you why my blog has been so quiet.

I think to everything there is a season.  I miss teaching and painting, especially plein air.  I miss blogging about it.  You can't (or I can't) keep a blog fresh with new subject matter if you're not in the game.  And for a while, I was angry I didn't have the time or energy to do those things.  But even when I found the time, I didn't do them.  It was then I realized it was a choice I've made to do other things.  More important things.  

Caring for dad has been life changing.  I've realized how selfish I am.  I've realized how blessed I am. I've realized how sad aging is and how devastating Alzheimer's can be. But I've also been given a gift of time with my dad that I wouldn't trade for any painting!  We are very fortunate his mind has stayed as stable as it has.  It could be from my stellar care taking, (if you know me, you know thats a little joke. I'm doing the best I can.  Some days are better than others) but more likely from the drugs and the fact that dad always kept himself physically fit and was mentally always sharp as a tack.  While his mind continues to fade, it's his body that will ultimately betray him. He's ninety, it's not a shock. But I'm noticing tremors in his hands and the shuffling of his feet is worsening.  Recently, a bout of pneumonia nearly took him from us. 

I tell you this on a blog about living a creative life, why?  Well, because once an artist, always an artist!  Adapting is the name of the game in life.  Many times I've had students entering a new stage in life and wanting to fulfill their passion to paint.  Often I had students with illness or disability use my classes to take their mind off their illness or condition.  Some use it to strengthen their minds or coordination. One student told me that as she aged, she knew she would always be able to find a pencil and paper, so it was a skill she could do no matter where she went or how life changed!  That's so true!  So why am I not using my art more to cope, as therapy or as an outlet?

The truth is,  I could find the time if I wanted to.  To be fair, I haven't "quit".  It's just that my time is not my own so much now.  Much like going back to work full time and just not having enough free time to fulfill all the many passions I have!  Someone asked me how my art was going and as I began to tell them it really wasn't, my hubby jumped in and reminded me (as he told them) that I'm out in the garden and in our home creating beauty, just in a different medium!  How sweet was that?  

So it's true that life has limits.  I traded one thing for something else much more valuable.  I have those skills and when the time is right, I will make use of them again as God calls me to my next challenge!   While my focus may have changed, my passion to create hasn't.  I believe we are created in God's image and the first thing God tells us He did was create.  That means it's important!  I am happiest when I am creating, but even God took a break!  

So since this blog is titled "Living a Creative Life" not "A Painting A Day", maybe I'll post some other ways I've been living a creative life.  Art is everywhere if we just have eyes to see.  I believe we need to surround ourselves with beauty and creativity.  In our homes, our yards, our minds, with what we read and how we entertain ourselves.  In everything.  Art enriches our everyday life and as the auto signature for my emails says "Art washes the dust from everyday life"--Picasso.  

I think a lot of the art I used to do was driven by the need for new work to show, enter competitions or teach a new class.  I think those things were very helpful to keep me painting and putting my work out there.  I saw improvement through the years and I had some small success.  It was rewarding, but if I wasn't married to such a hard working guy, I couldn't have ever made a living out of it without a lot more effort.  I'm sure I would have been a Sunday painter with a "real" job. I also noticed that when it becomes something you must do, even art becomes work.  Even if you love it.  Work, well, is work.  And work is good.  I just think some people have this idea that to do what you love never has a down side. 

Anyway, I digress.  Take away all that impetus to make art and I'm left with my own ambition.  I've learned I'm not that ambitious!  I have plenty of time to make art.  So why don't I?  Why does it create stress for me to think about making art?  I don't know.  I simply have no answer for it.  One of my favorite quotes and something I'm continually reminded is "The only constant is change."  And in time, this too shall pass, I'm certain of it.