Friday, August 15, 2014

When Art Won't Sleep

What I look like after a few nights without much sleep! 
I cant sleep.  It happens sometimes.  I'm tired, but sleep evades me.  Laying in bed, my mind just thinks.  Its what minds do, I know.  But somehow, I always lay there feeling trapped in my mind and on my bed. Thoughts running along without releasing to sleep.

Its like something is left undone. Some tension. Years ago, I quit fighting it and started getting up and putting my thoughts, however random, to paper or typing them.  This seems to stop it and give me some kind of release.  Its like I empty my head onto paper or my computer.  Then, when my head is empty, I am ready to sleep. (no empty head jokes!)

It usually lasts for a few nights in a row until I break the pattern. I think, I have no proof mind you, its just a theory based on unreliable thoughts during sleepless nights, but I think I can't sleep because my creative side needs to be heard.  Does that sound strange?  Or does that sound perfectly logical to you?

So I empty the thoughts in words, of black and white.  Something almost solid. And here's what I usually hear/see: I need to stop and find a space in time to create something. What is so silly is I should be able to figure this out much quicker after all these years.  I guess I'm a slow learner.  More likely I continually underestimated the strength of my creative side and the need to express it. Even after all these years.  Its just not an option to NOT create any more.

It's harder these days to make time or indulge my creative self.  It's like an old friend I need to reconnect with.  But there was a time when that friend was silent and I was afraid I'd never hear from her again.  I'm glad she's back, even if it means I am awake at 2AM.

I will reread this in the morning to see if its just too wacko to put out there!  Whether the creative spirit abandons or calls and cannot be satisfied, I know enough artists to know we all have tension when the creativity is blocked for whatever reason.  You may experience it differently than a lack of sleep.  But take a look next time you feel frustrated and have no reason.  You may need to create to satisfy it.  There is art you need to make.

Tomorrow's going to be a long day.  And I know one thing that will be added to the "to do" list.  Make art.  And then I will sleep.

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