Tuesday, November 23, 2010

day 4

I honestly do not have time to do this today!  And I doubt anyone is following, so does it matter?  Not in the grand scheme I suppose.  It's just that I have been really trying to finish what I start.  There is something to be said for finishing at all.  And it's a good feeling to finish well.  Not all things will finish well.  But I think that quitting is worse than ever starting.  And once started, it is good for the character to finish.  Don't hold me to it! 
So, that said, I have nothing creative to do today.  Let me rephrase-I have creative things I could do-but the tyranny of the urgent demands my attentions.  This is where I usually get frustrated.  The tedious and mundane.  In a perfect world, scrubbing the toilet would have as much excitement as painting a masterpiece.  In the real world I only do it because somebody has to and if I get it out of the way I can move on to the fun stuff.  And if I am honest, can be put off at least for a time to do the something, anything else! 
I've read all kinds of organizing books and home keeping books (from Sidetracked Home Executives in the 80's to It's All Too Much this decade).  I've put in place systems I no longer use, feeling bad that I do not have what it takes to keep it up. I will probably always struggle with organization. At my age, you either make piece with who you are, or you live with all kinds of angst!  I'm kinda done beating myself up for my flaws.  We all have them, let's get over and on with it!
This translates into my creative life as well.  I've struggled with the disciplines I need to become better at my craft.  I am not very single minded and lack focus.  But I think there is a way to turn weakness into strength.  So the creative me is finding the joy in little victories.  Trying to move forward after the hard hit of defeat! 
Today I post, to continue in what I have started.  Today I take up the mundane and tedious to make room for less chaos and more order to my Thanksgiving.  Today I will try to find joy in cleaning a toilet and vacuuming the floor, paying the bills and grooming the little dog so people will pet her again! 
Today, even though it is so boring and you are thinking "what is she writing this for?" I write because I said I would.  People need to do what they say they will.  Even if no one notices or cares.  Builds character.  So does cleaning toilets.  (picture me with a toilet bowl brush held high in victory!)

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